I have promised a continuation of the previous post. So here goes..
I have deceived a person whom i once truly care and love (and still do but in a different way) . It's been hard for me but i know it's even harder for him to swallow this bitter pill. According to a dear friend whom have always been there for me (during this period of time la at least), he told me what i did was cruel. No, he said i was EVIL. *sobs* I tried explaining to him but to no avail. I felt sorry for him instead for letting it out on him when all he tried to do was to offer a hand to help. My bad Tagi. My bad. We're cool right? *winks*
All i was trying to do was to keep everything clean and out of lies. I am so tired of lying to myself, him and to the relationship. Don't get me wrong..i have tried to keep the loooove alive lagi bah but it just didn't happen as expected. How long should i continue pretending infront of him that i am 100% committed in this relationship? How much longer should i stand infront of him pretending that everything's okay when it is not? The longer i pretend, the hurt gets deeper....the escape gets tougher. Please please please at least someone agree with me. The guilt i am bearing is almost unbearable. I tried to pretend as if everything's okay but apparently i failed. He is still suffering and here i am doin so well (except for the guilt). Tell me now, that is fair. It's NOT i know. This is actually the core reason of me feeling guilty.
Anyways, i really hope that he'll be able to cope with it and move on smoothly. I wish to tell him that i wish him the very best of every single thing he engaged into. I can't tell that straight to him because it'll hurt him even more. It's my fault for not bein able to "let go" of him (as in stop calling and texting). I have my own reason. Though we have grown apart, i whole heartedly and honestly want us to be good friends. He was once an important person in my life. He was there all those while we've been together. I just can't let it go to waste. I won't let go.
IF letting him go permanently (halt the calls n texts) makes him happy, i am obliged to do so.
I apologize for all the shytes i caused and i thank you for everything SINGLE moments even the slightest ones. I THANK YOU for making me happy most of the time. I THANK YOU WHOLE HEARTEDLY for loving me, giving me that precious opportunity to be in that special place and for showing me how to grow and love.
Thank you Babes. *hugs*
p/s: i know i am cruel and evil. please forgive me.
ok i'm off now. kai2 with prish go bandaran or...ermm...EAT!! hehe.
I have deceived a person whom i once truly care and love (and still do but in a different way) . It's been hard for me but i know it's even harder for him to swallow this bitter pill. According to a dear friend whom have always been there for me (during this period of time la at least), he told me what i did was cruel. No, he said i was EVIL. *sobs* I tried explaining to him but to no avail. I felt sorry for him instead for letting it out on him when all he tried to do was to offer a hand to help. My bad Tagi. My bad. We're cool right? *winks*
All i was trying to do was to keep everything clean and out of lies. I am so tired of lying to myself, him and to the relationship. Don't get me wrong..i have tried to keep the loooove alive lagi bah but it just didn't happen as expected. How long should i continue pretending infront of him that i am 100% committed in this relationship? How much longer should i stand infront of him pretending that everything's okay when it is not? The longer i pretend, the hurt gets deeper....the escape gets tougher. Please please please at least someone agree with me. The guilt i am bearing is almost unbearable. I tried to pretend as if everything's okay but apparently i failed. He is still suffering and here i am doin so well (except for the guilt). Tell me now, that is fair. It's NOT i know. This is actually the core reason of me feeling guilty.
Anyways, i really hope that he'll be able to cope with it and move on smoothly. I wish to tell him that i wish him the very best of every single thing he engaged into. I can't tell that straight to him because it'll hurt him even more. It's my fault for not bein able to "let go" of him (as in stop calling and texting). I have my own reason. Though we have grown apart, i whole heartedly and honestly want us to be good friends. He was once an important person in my life. He was there all those while we've been together. I just can't let it go to waste. I won't let go.
IF letting him go permanently (halt the calls n texts) makes him happy, i am obliged to do so.
I apologize for all the shytes i caused and i thank you for everything SINGLE moments even the slightest ones. I THANK YOU for making me happy most of the time. I THANK YOU WHOLE HEARTEDLY for loving me, giving me that precious opportunity to be in that special place and for showing me how to grow and love.
Thank you Babes. *hugs*
p/s: i know i am cruel and evil. please forgive me.
ok i'm off now. kai2 with prish go bandaran or...ermm...EAT!! hehe.
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spill the beans!
.xx.