Happy or Sappy?

I texted Bug again today. I've asked for his answer on something. Err..no, actually i think it was more of a demand. xp

Anyways, to make things simple and short, i asked him whether or not, had he ever believed everything i said (i.e ily, imy or whatever feelings i've poured to him before) even once?

Twas kinda tough to get answer from him as usual but this time i insisted. After few texts of bugging him (i bet he got pretty annoyed hehe) he finally replied.

"YES IS D ANSWER", he said.

That simple answer somehow made me happy at least for myself la coz it shows that i've at least managed to show my true feelings to him and he believed 'em. To be honest, that's all really matter =)

Thanx for answering Bug. Tho' i dont know the validity of your answer, it still made me feel much better.


.xx.

Miley Cyrus's

Her song and lyric is soooo describing what i am feeling currently.

Miley Cyrus - 7 Things

I probably shouldn't say this
But at times I get so scared
When I think about the previous
Relationship we've shared

It was awesome but we lost it
It's not possible for me not to care
Now we're standing in the rain
But nothing's ever gonna change until you hear, my dear

The 7 things I hate about you

[Chorus]
The 7 things I hate about you (oh you)
You're vain, your games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
Your friends they're jerks
When you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

It's awkward and it's silent
As I wait for you to say
What I need to hear now
Your sincere apology
And when you mean it, I'll believe it
If you text it, I'll delete it
Let's be clear
Oh I'm not coming back
You're taking 7 steps here

[Chorus]
The 7 things I hate about you
You're vain, your games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
Your friends they're jerks
When you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

And compared to all the great things
That would take too long to write
I probably should mention
The 7 that I like

The 7 things I like about you
Your hair, your eyes, your old Levi's
And when we kiss, I'm hypnotized
You make me laugh, you make me cry
But I guess that's both I'll have to buy
Your hand in mine
When we're intertwined everything's alright
I want to be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I like the most that you do
You make me love you
You do (oh)



yes, i love you.


please take it away. i hate it.

What I Did...

My one week midterm break have just started. So here i am at my cousin's somewhere around Shah Alam since last Thursday.

Cousin Kelor and i were busy goin about town for the first 3 days. On the third day, we went to couz Una's place in Puchong. We spent time (and had fun) with cousin Abet and her friend, Sean (with a bunch of new acquaintances) at Poppy. We chatted, danced, drank and eventually got DRUNK! *coughs* well at least i did. -_____-"

The thing is, i thought i've managed to get over Bug already. Little did i know that i had only managed to convinced myself that and i was very good putting up a fake facade to deceive people when in fact i am only deceiving myself all along. It's really hurting me to admit this because i feel like i have failed myself once again. This time, it's severe.

I've noticed before and heard from others as well that a person is usually telling (or mumbling) the truth when he/she is in a drunk condition. Well, i have just proven myself that and it made me looked like a moron! While i was drunk during that wee hours, i didn't realized that i have actually made 2 phone calls to Bug. FORTUNATELY he was sound asleep. Only God knows what i would have said to him!

The morning next day, he texted me and asked what was wrong. Why did i called him during that hour and asked whether i was drunk and all. I was so blur, and checked my outgoing calls list. I was dumbfounded. I cannot believe i have made the calls! Damnit. After that ada lagi la we texted a bit more. He even joked and asked, "miss me oledi?" =(

If only i could tell him, "very much". Budu o sy!!

Anyhowsssss, last Sat night was a blast tho' twas only for a short period of time. Thanx to darling cuzzies and the rest of the new acquaintances. I hadn't had a blast since my arrival back here in the West. Looking forward for more on my next short holidays people! lols.

These are some of the photos taken.

(me trying to do the kawaii, to no avail)

(Sean and i, the two drunkheads!)

(With Alex, the chef)

(worshipping asam laksa + telur maggie)

(the trios: cousins)

p.s: Yes, i miss him still. But my plan is still on! (^_^)v.

Wish me luck you guys!

cheers~
.xx.

Feelin' BITCHY.

Mr. Shahrul returned our midterm test paper on TQM earlier this morning. For someone who had just started studying 1.5 hours on 5 chapters prior to the test, i am proud to say i scored a fat 65! itupun i've only answered 3 complete Qs and a quater on one question and '0' on the other question (tidak sempat cover baa). Each Q consists of 20marks! *pats own head* i wonder what i could've gotten if i had answered all 5 Qs huh? LOLS.

Anways, that's not what i am here for lah actually. I just really need and wanna tell you people that i think i am ready now. Not 100% ready but, almost close to that for a come back! i tell you people, you better treat a girl right coz once a good girl gone bad, it's gone forever (yes. i pinjam line si Rihanna. *rolleyes*)

Luckily he hasn't, and most probably won't contact me again. Coz if he does i would pick up the phone and give him a call and bombarded him with Qs. Trust me, i would this time! I've been doing a lot (i mean A LOT) of thinking lately. Which is a good thing for me. I've come to realized that what a fool i have been!! OMG! *smacks head on the wall*

Soooooo, i am proud to say that i am extremely close of getting over him and i am very happy for it! No more wondering, pondering and silly HOPING =D *pats own head* Jadi..i am again proud to admit that i am single and very much proud of it. (uina. berapa kali bah mau cakap 'proud' ni? i guess i am really happy after all =p)

p.s: I've got some plans in mind. Can't wait to be home to "launch it". Of course after i have fun here dulu laa. *evilish laugh* Once i am back, am longer a student and should prep myself to engage in the working scene...and do loads more. *winks*


"Behind Every BITCH Lies A Man Who Made Her That Way"

p.p.s: I am not a biatch (maybe to some i might be tho' haha), but anybody can turn me into one. *winks*

cheers~
.xx.

I'm Beaten.

I have just finished 85% of my assignments which is due on Tuesday morning. I am quite relieved and will complete the rest of it maybe tomorrow night cos now i need to spare myself a few more hours to study.

Yes, study!

I'll be having midterm exams on the 11th Aug (yes yes tomorrow) on TQM (Total Quality Management), 13th Aug on ODC (Organizational Development & Change) and another one on the 14th Aug on OSH (Organizational Safety & Health).

*sighs*

These are only half of it. Three more to go after the break.

Anyways, i received a call from 'babes' just now. I don't know why but..i can't bring myself to talk to him like how we did before anymore. I am starting to loath myself for doing what i did to him. There he is, trying to "win" me back but..it's just so hard. I would like to tell him to move on (not that i've never told him that before) but maybe i should just let him try his luck huh? Who knows, it might work? (Though i doubt about that. *sighs*) I am so very sorry Babes. =(

Two nights before and last night i received mms from Bug. Twas pictures of him. Though i hate him so much for doing just what he was doing right now, i can't exempt myself from smiling upon looking at the mms. I don't know what is his motive and i guess i will never know. It's impossible to talk to him about it. The best thing to do is just let it all slip away and just wait till everything settles down by its own. WHICH i think will happen not long from now. I can pretty much tell he is doing just fine and whatever happened between us before has little (or none at all) impact on him. So when he finally stops mms-ing me, by then i should be able to stand strong again =)

However, i can't stop wondering. What actually is his motive(s)? Why would he wanna constantly remind me of him by sending me those mms and then not hearing anything from him again like few days straight? It's better not hearing anything from him at all rather than by doing this. I bet he's laughing there with his friends telling them how foolish i am, boasting about his friends that i am one easily manipulated girl and that he knows that he could get me to reply his msgs anytime he feels like it. I bet he felt...like a winner.

Well Bug, if that is exactly what you are doing, sy mengaku kalah. You win. So please stop. ='(

I am beaten badly. I bet you're happy now. Yet another succesful experimental specimen of yours. Now put that on your list.

I wanna go home.

Mode: CRAP. Mind Me~

I've been thinking a lot lately. I just want you people out there to know that i meant everything that has been posted in here.

I know sooo little about Bug that i decided to count them.

1. He's an extremely secrective person.
2. He loves to hangout with his friends and adore his family much.
3. He loves his mumi.
4. He loves travelling and discovering new stuff.
5. Has a passion in arts *thumbs up*
6. Has a very long list of songs selection.
7. I guess he loves music + singing.
8. Youtubing most of the time.
9. LOOOVEEEESSS jokes. yes, esp the nasty ones lols.
10. Likes to debate.
11. Loves to drink *coughs*alcos*coughs*
12. Enjoys partaayiingg alot!
13. Doesn't sit still.
14. Endured tough breakup twice.
15. Once dated 7 ladies at a time. (yes. OMG!)
16. Doesn't show much of emotions.
17. Very opinionated.
18. Very conscious about his looks/styles etc. (you look just great bein urself)
19. Loves (hot) chix. but who doesn't right? LOLS!
20. Hmm..matured on certain matters. *thumbs up*
21. An extremely busy person. Adaaaaa ja dibuat.
22. Instant noodles lover (at home). *sighs*
23. He takut gemuk. adeehh.
24. Gets jelous easily. (i loike! i think it's cute =p )
25. But enjoys food at the same time. LOLS.
26. He's proud and treasure his ethnicity. *double thumbs up*
27. He reads reading materials stuff. *thumbs up*
28. He has class every tuesdays and thursdays.
29. A good listener/advisor/friend/buddy.
30. He cooks. (i guess)
31. Chix digs him. (yakah? lols.)
32. FLIRTATIOUS! omg.
33. When he wants something, he digs info about it.
34. A bit manja (which is cute)
35. He slung his bag across his chest.
36. Keeps long nails. *smacks head*
37. An UNPREDICTABLE person. *sighs*
38. Loves modifying words. *smacks head*
39. Has a passion in riddles/humours/quotes etc.
40. Wear his watch on his left hand. (But i think he seldom wears it hmm.)
41. MOVIE lover.
42. His mumi is a June baby. 11th. (JUNE BABIES RAWK!! lols.)
43. Oct 2nd at 5am (every year) is a significant day to him.
44. Can be a big TEASE!
45. Vain.
46. Wants someone to care for him. (But when there is, he claimed that he felt controlled by it)
=(

EDITED: 030309.

47. He parts his hair on the right.
48. To him, he's always right and i'm always wrong! in a good way :)
49. He smiles alot.
50. Observant.
51. A good listener and advisor. I'd like to keep you, can i?
52. Love photograph-ing: taking pic or to be part of the pic :)
53. Looks problem-less on the surface, insecure in the inside.
54. He's actually kinda manja :)
55. Has 3 numbers so far...and counting? -__-"
56. Keeps his selected text messages sampai inbox penuh. Adeh.
57. Listens to all sorts of song genres.
58. Still a lil' bit unpredictable.
59. He opens up a little bit already :)
60. TIGER is his bestfriend & wifey for now. LOL!
61. "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" is just one out of two songs that he loves so much. So does his mumi.
62. He told me that my petdog's name "Tintin" is actually a comic name of a dog. I didn't know this.
63. Has a good sense of direction. Unlike me.
64. Has a gorgeous little sister which he loves so much :)
65. He takes up jogging, for the moment hehe.
66. Can tahan spicy food. I mean chilli.
67. His fingers are at least half an inch longer than mine.
68. Been hangin' & chillin' out with him quite often lately. I like that.
69. Goofy. Spontaneous. Fun. Serious. Funny. Childish & wise. Just..adorable.
70. We promised to be just friend. Close friends. But i see it's gettin impossible day by day.
71. Correct me if i'm wrong but i think he's gettin a little bit attached to me, us, already. So do i.
72. At the same time, i think i'm losing him gradually :(

p.s: Everytime i texted you out of nowhere when the whole day of not texting/contacting you, means that i missed you. Like now. I miss you. :(

So far, that's all that i can think of. Thinking of these made me miss this fella even more. Damnit!

.xx.

Ironic.

I think 2008 is cursed. I mean..it's a bad year for couples. Or at least it is for me (and some others i know). *sighs*

It's funny that i can act soooo well that people don't even realize that i am actually experiencing some problems of my own as well. What's more ironic, my friends had been seeking advices from me regarding their love-related problems. They'd called me when they need someone to talk to. So being a good friend, i lend my ears to them.

Listening to everything they told me is slowly eating me from inside. I often have the urge to tell them what i was feeling too but it wouldn't be fair for them. They seek for my help and i don't think i should burden them with mine instead, right?

Just last night a friend of mine called. He had just recently broke up with his partner and he wanted someone to talk to. I lend him my ears.

Here, i've another friend who is in dilemma tryna solve her complicated situation. We would often meet and chat about it because she wanted someone to talk to. I lend her my ears.

But look at me. I really wanted to tell everything i am feeling but i don't know to whom. I am aware that i have my bffs and bcfs around but..i don't know why i couldn't bring myself to them. Maybe it's because i've been tellin them about my problems too often and i think i should stop by now. I find it hard to borrow someone's ear.

Moment like this, i would turn to Poser for advices and opinions and we would debate about them later on. But i can't do that. No, not this time. How can i? When the caused of my feeling this way is actually because of him? I just can't.

Oh man. What am i thinking? I really shouldn't be thinking about anything except assignments and upcoming tests.

All i'm tryna say is, i realise that i am still missing Poser no matter how much i convinced myself (and other people) otherwise. I bet he'd call me a liar again if i'd tell him so.

Damnit.

Sorethroat Go Away~

Am having such a terrible sorethroat! The last time i had this similar situation was back in kk during my 3 months break.

Twas so terrible that it affected my voice. I must say i sounded "sultry" but not to Tagi. He even claimed that he felt as if he's gay, talking (on the phone) to a male friend. LOLS!

Came to think of it, i miss good old days where we could just talk/chat/text about everything and nothing at all. Now macam lain sudah ni. It's not that i dont wanna text him anymore but..i feel like i am a waste of his time and such a pain in the arse for him *sighs*

Man~ It's so hard to keep it low as a couple but it's even harder to maintained as good friends like old times. I really miss cracking up with him. I bet he's doin much better lah now so might as well i leave him be if it's for the best.

p.s: I am not saying that i regret anything but...

MAYBE, just maybe it would be better if we hadn't declared as couple before.

Situation might have not changed between us.

At least i'd never have to "lose" a good friend.

Damnit. Even little insignificant thing as sorethroat could remind me of him.

.xx.

Finally!

After long hours of pouring insignificant ideas to my assignments, which ended up me, having 2 hours of sleep (only) the previous night, two packets of 'Super Ring' keropok, facing my sister and her friend sleeping at the living room, witnessed my cousin Dayze left for work at a quater to 8am, bid Melina (i think that's how it spelt. Sorry Mel hihi) goodbye upon leaving for class and accompanied by fluffy (the cat) on my lap sleeping soundly, i have FINALLY completed my part of the group's assignment! *cheers* *pats own head*

I am soooo sleep deprived so i guess i better hit the sack for a bit. I need to catch an approximately 5hours bus ride back to Muadzam Shah later today *sighs* Somehow i sense it's gonna be a looong and tiring day! *sighs even more*

p.s: i feel so relieved after completing my assignment. Soooo relieved that i felt like telling Bug about it. But of all people, why him? damnit. Owh well, i think something/someone needs more time to adjust him/herself.

Toodooo for now.

cheers~
.xx.

Pening! Adoii..

I've had splendid time with my parents and little sister in KL these past few days. Twas such a good time until i have failed to complete my assignments (which has caused my group leader went berserk! =S). Twas soooo last minute that i really think i'd need to stay up today to get it done with *sighs*

Am currently at my lilttle sister's (and her frens') apartment in Cyberjaya. Will be goin back Pahang next day though. I am really trying hard to concentrate in doing my assignments but the environment isn't helping at all, not mentioning sy betul2 blur of what i am suppose to do *sighs*.

Annnddddd, paling sandi kan, i am currently having headache like shyte! I think it's because of too much thinking and worrying as well as inhaling too much smokes from ciggies. Second hand smoke i tell you...adoii.. I really had difficulty in breathing smoothly because of the smokes, my eyes felt like poppin' out of their sockets and my brain is 'pumping' really really bad! ADOI! MY ASSIGNMENTS and it's already 10pm. damnit!

p.s: i am slowly gettin' over him already =D which is a good thing for everyone lah. I've managed to convince myself that he's really not into the whole relationship thing. Maybe it's not his time yet haha. Sooo...Bug, make sure you grab a good girl for youself okay. Looks doesn't stay long. They'll fade eventually taaauuu... (^_^)v

cheers~
.xxoo.