Stop This Infatuation Please!

First of all, the long delayed post was caused by lack of time and materials to jot about.

On the 24th May recently, we threw a party (sort of) to commemorate my parents' 30th Anniversary. There were many people present at that time and by the look of it i think they had pretty good time cos i sure did (tho tired like hell la after that haha.) Anyhows, i'll blog about that in my next post coming k. and yes together with some pictures attached no worries. =p

Today i slept pretty late, 5am to be exact. i was on the phone with Tagi for hmm..lemme see, approx. 2hours or more? we chatted about everything (but mengulu ja banyak la hahaha.) I kinda feel alot more comfortable with last night's conversation. It was the first time that i feel like he understands me because he managed to avoid from pressuring me like usual. And for that i am glad.

We had a looong empty talk in the first hour. However, towards the end we finally had this almost serious talk la. Whereby he asked me Qs and i'd give my answer truthfully (tho' i didn't told him 100% truth hehe). I hope he gets whatever thing i said. But if he doesn't, oh well..

I'm kinda in dilemma right now. I can't really comprehend myself correctly. See, i just got off from an almost 3 years r/ship (yes, i was the one who asked for it - nothing to do with a 3rd party ok *rolleyes*) and then there he came after almost 2-3years of not hearing anythin from him. COINCIDENCE...can be creepy at time haha. We started of just by those decent "hey how are you?", "how have you been?", "you working? no? study? where?" bla3. But lama² i feel like i am gettin' more and more attached to him. Hmm...probably because of the constant text-messaging mah right? at least that's what i told myself. *sighs* And i somehow can sense that chemistry from him as well although both of us are like tryin our very best to cover them up hahaha. Talkin' about ego huh? lol.

Tapi...the guilt feeling from my previous r/ship hasn't even vanished. How am i suppose to move on when i know that my ex isn't able to do so yet. I feel guilty-er even more. *sighs*

Or maybe, this is just an infatuation. Hmmm. yeap. maybe this is it. Infatuation leads nowhere so there's nothing much to be worried about. *flashing the victorious look*

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(-_-)"

The First pt. II

I have promised a continuation of the previous post. So here goes..

I have deceived a person whom i once truly care and love (and still do but in a different way) . It's been hard for me but i know it's even harder for him to swallow this bitter pill. According to a dear friend whom have always been there for me (during this period of time la at least), he told me what i did was cruel. No, he said i was EVIL. *sobs* I tried explaining to him but to no avail. I felt sorry for him instead for letting it out on him when all he tried to do was to offer a hand to help. My bad Tagi. My bad. We're cool right? *winks*

All i was trying to do was to keep everything clean and out of lies. I am so tired of lying to myself, him and to the relationship. Don't get me wrong..i have tried to keep the loooove alive lagi bah but it just didn't happen as expected. How long should i continue pretending infront of him that i am 100% committed in this relationship? How much longer should i stand infront of him pretending that everything's okay when it is not? The longer i pretend, the hurt gets deeper....the escape gets tougher. Please please please at least someone agree with me. The guilt i am bearing is almost unbearable. I tried to pretend as if everything's okay but apparently i failed. He is still suffering and here i am doin so well (except for the guilt). Tell me now, that is fair. It's NOT i know. This is actually the core reason of me feeling guilty.

Anyways, i really hope that he'll be able to cope with it and move on smoothly. I wish to tell him that i wish him the very best of every single thing he engaged into. I can't tell that straight to him because it'll hurt him even more. It's my fault for not bein able to "let go" of him (as in stop calling and texting). I have my own reason. Though we have grown apart, i whole heartedly and honestly want us to be good friends. He was once an important person in my life. He was there all those while we've been together. I just can't let it go to waste. I won't let go.

IF letting him go permanently (halt the calls n texts) makes him happy, i am obliged to do so.

I apologize for all the shytes i caused and i thank you for everything SINGLE moments even the slightest ones. I THANK YOU for making me happy most of the time. I THANK YOU WHOLE HEARTEDLY for loving me, giving me that precious opportunity to be in that special place and for showing me how to grow and love.

Thank you Babes. *hugs*


p/s: i know i am cruel and evil. please forgive me.


ok i'm off now. kai2 with prish go bandaran or...ermm...EAT!! hehe.

The First.

This is it. Finally!

I've been "bounded" with friendster's blog for approx. 3 years now. I think i need some changes. There are loads of things have happened lately (this year to be exact). So, i need a new 'home' to settle in.

The old one will be left there for it carries tremendous memories, good or for worse.

Regarding .the.twisted.parrot. layout, i'll just leave it like this for a bit. yes yes i know it's lame *rolleyes* but i am waaaaaayy too lazy to go dig everything and all, not mentioning it's already past 4am. Which means, my eyes are all kuyu already.

Ermm..lemme have my rest for now. Will post another update later today. i need to get some stuff outta my chest.

p/s: i am officially parrotless. I should be happy *yay*...but why am i not?


*kuyu = droopy.