i did it again ='(
I wanted him to know so bad how i felt for him but i guess he just couldn't see it coming. It's true i was holding back all my emotions and feelings towards him before but that was because i was still lack of his assurance. When i finally let myself out, everything seemed to change. What seemed to be a perfect picture turned out to be exactly not. Why do i feel like he acted otherwise? Before, he acted differently, more kinda...the person who cared alot about someone. However when we finally decided to be together, why do i feel so neglected and ignored? Yes, i understand his situations and all. I even tried to go with his flow but somehow i feel like i am drifting away from his direction.
I didn't wanna bug him all the time and wanted to give him space up til the extent where i was gettin' a bit ashamed of giving him a call or even to text him. Twas because whenever i did, he'd be so busy up to the point where he didn't even bother to check on me, text me, call me or just for goodness sake, contact me ='<. There were even times where i'd give him a call but he was just to busy to answer his phone or he would somehow answer it but most of the time he convinced me that he was too busy to entertain my calls. Many times though, he claimed he'd get back to me or leave me a text or two. Most of the time, he never did. His reason; too busy or he had forgotten all about it. ='<. It's heartbreaking enough not bein able to call or text him like the way we did before, but by leaving me hanging on nothing is pure torture. The constant waiting and hoping he'd return any of my calls or texts is eating me from the inside ='<.
Alas, i did what i was best known of; separation. This time he agreed. Maybe he was just too exhausted with my childish acts..or maybe he was out of the whole "relationship" thing already. I seriously don't know. Either way, i just hope that he'd come clean about it and tell it straight to me. I feel dumb enough bein clueless all the time.
Since that day, I promised myself not to tell him how i feel. Wanted to act as if nothing's bothering me and that i treasure our friendship and wanted to keep the friendship goin on. I didn't wanna let my stupidity and emotions blind my judgements and actions anymore. So i tried to keep it really low.
However, i succumbed to my emotions once again. Two days back i suddenly gain courage (or stupidity??) to tell him that i missed him so much. Can you imagine? it took me really really much guts to spill it to him but his reply was a bullet to my chest.
Man i was so crushed!! (and am still ='<) At this point i don't think there's anything that i can do anymore. I just hope that one fine day, he'd understand.
Nonetheless, i really really do wish him all the best in his undertakings!
.xxoohunooxx.
I wanted him to know so bad how i felt for him but i guess he just couldn't see it coming. It's true i was holding back all my emotions and feelings towards him before but that was because i was still lack of his assurance. When i finally let myself out, everything seemed to change. What seemed to be a perfect picture turned out to be exactly not. Why do i feel like he acted otherwise? Before, he acted differently, more kinda...the person who cared alot about someone. However when we finally decided to be together, why do i feel so neglected and ignored? Yes, i understand his situations and all. I even tried to go with his flow but somehow i feel like i am drifting away from his direction.
I didn't wanna bug him all the time and wanted to give him space up til the extent where i was gettin' a bit ashamed of giving him a call or even to text him. Twas because whenever i did, he'd be so busy up to the point where he didn't even bother to check on me, text me, call me or just for goodness sake, contact me ='<. There were even times where i'd give him a call but he was just to busy to answer his phone or he would somehow answer it but most of the time he convinced me that he was too busy to entertain my calls. Many times though, he claimed he'd get back to me or leave me a text or two. Most of the time, he never did. His reason; too busy or he had forgotten all about it. ='<. It's heartbreaking enough not bein able to call or text him like the way we did before, but by leaving me hanging on nothing is pure torture. The constant waiting and hoping he'd return any of my calls or texts is eating me from the inside ='<.
Alas, i did what i was best known of; separation. This time he agreed. Maybe he was just too exhausted with my childish acts..or maybe he was out of the whole "relationship" thing already. I seriously don't know. Either way, i just hope that he'd come clean about it and tell it straight to me. I feel dumb enough bein clueless all the time.
Since that day, I promised myself not to tell him how i feel. Wanted to act as if nothing's bothering me and that i treasure our friendship and wanted to keep the friendship goin on. I didn't wanna let my stupidity and emotions blind my judgements and actions anymore. So i tried to keep it really low.
However, i succumbed to my emotions once again. Two days back i suddenly gain courage (or stupidity??) to tell him that i missed him so much. Can you imagine? it took me really really much guts to spill it to him but his reply was a bullet to my chest.
"Liar", he said.
Man i was so crushed!! (and am still ='<) At this point i don't think there's anything that i can do anymore. I just hope that one fine day, he'd understand.
Nonetheless, i really really do wish him all the best in his undertakings!
.xxoohunooxx.
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spill the beans!
.xx.